Contrary to what most people think, talking to an introvert often leaves you inspired. Growing up as an introvert, I hadn’t many social circles but a few close friends whom I share about my deepest thoughts.
I’d shun away from small talks because my deep-driving brain just wasn’t made for it although I’ve extroverted friends who’re great at filling the room with their enthusiasm, almost like a rain of magical sprinkles that alerts people of their presence.
While it is great to be around people who open us up for small talks, it only goes so far as to ignite conversations on a surface level and hardly moves to a satisfying, more profound level. An example of small talk would look like this:
A: “Hey! How was your weekend?”
B: “Great! How’s yours?”
A: “Good too!”
B: “That’s nice to know.”
When that happens, two people never really learn anything fascinating about each other and hence, their relationship plateaus.
On the other hand, introverts like myself get energised playing with ideas, searching for more knowledge, analysing information, and connecting authentically — none of which would have happened in small talks. We like to turn relationships into close, meaningful connections rather than shallow interactions.
So, why should you talk to introverts?
We Listen and Ask You Questions
Maybe we don’t share much about ourselves on the onset, but there’s one thing I know that introverts do. We’d much rather listen to you talk than having to undergo a surge of anxiety as we wreck our brains thinking what to say.
Naturally, we shift the limelight on you. Yet, what’s the trick that makes you feel like a superstar in a conversation?
It’s that introverts are good at asking questions. I want to know what’s going on in your life. This isn’t the same as interrogating you, but I’m happy to listen to your life stories or complaints. In most of the conversations I had with people, I do 30% of speaking and 60-70% of hearing.
Here are some questions that I — and introverts in general — love to ask:
- ‘Why’ questions: these are my personal favourite. I like to dive deep into the person’s motivation for pursuing a particular career, the reason why they left their high paying jobs and went on to be a travel nomad, what people’s greatest struggles and triumphs were and why.
- The big, weird stuff: this includes nature, anything existential, origins of life, who we are, if there’s another dimension of the universe, and whether everything in life is a simulation or they’re real.
- The parts you don’t share with anyone: I think it’s beautiful when people are comfortable enough to open up and reveal a deeper part of themselves. We’d listen with empathy and often get inspired by your vulnerability.
- Your life advice to anyone: what’s a pivotal moment in your life that you want people to be advised on?
- Anything intelligent: I love being educated on controversial topics—things like politics, economics, astrology, science, history, and logic. Learning doesn’t stop, and we’re always learning. Listening to others is the best way for introverts to know about a subject that people love.
We Have Interesting Hobbies
A common misconception is that introverts don’t talk — or as much. In reality, that is the opposite. Introverts talk about things when you ask them.
I spend most of my time engaging in things that I like to do or a new experience that brings me out of my comfort zone, alone. With that much of story to tell, introverts long for someone to share our hobbies with.
We don’t spend our time drinking on Friday nights with the same group of people since college. We spend time on things that enrich our souls, minds and wellbeing. Essentially, introverts like myself spend time on activities that are fun and interesting.
That’s not to say that we only spend time on things that normal people don’t do. I have introverted friends who watch Netflix just as much as an extroverted person would, and stay home to play video games most of the time. What’s more amazing is how they connect with you in real life on activities that are so common — remember that we skip small talks and deep dive into your opinions.
For instance, I love discussing about films with people. Instead of asking “How much would you rate the show out of 10?”, I’d ask “What are some intricacies that you think this character has?”. The same film that’s been watched by thousands of people can have a totally different quality of conversation when you socially engage with an introvert.
These are just two simple traits of an introvert that make you the superstar of the conversation. We like to give depths to our conversations just as much as we’re interested in you.
People always love to talk about themselves, so why not do it with an introvert who is non-judgemental and would get so excited to hear your story?
Thank you for reading!